Tangled Emotions

Do you ever have really hard moments in life where part of you wants to ball your eyes out and be consumed with emotion and the other part of you wants to ignore every bit of it and try to pretend life is normal? That is kind of the emotional battle I have had today.

Anicette was one of the babies EVERYONE loved...she came to the ship last year to be on a feeding program to gain weight for a cleft lip surgery. She was so cute and chubby when we left.

A couple weeks ago mom brought her to the ship here in Togo. Anicette was unrecognizable. She made it to 14 months, but now skin and bones -literally. She was incredibelly malnurished. It took her a VERY long time to gain weight last year and her lab work has always been not quite right, but she was doing SO well when we left her just months ago as the ship sailed away from Benin.

This morning I was not working when I heard "emergency medical team to A ward" paged overhead. As usual, I said a prayer for whomever the call was for...deep down hoping is was not Anicette.

A few hours later, I was devestated to hear that baby Anicette had gone to be with Jesus. My friend Ali did CPR, but to no avail. Her weak, frail, malnurished body could not hang on any longer. I cannot even imagine the pain Anicette's mom is dealing with. She has poured SO much time, energy, and emotion into getting her little girl well...and now she has to travel back without her precious little baby.

I learned today that Ani's mom had already lost a baby before Ani because it was not eating well...and I also learned that she is 4 months pregnant as we speak. I wish I could celebrate with her in that, but instead I know that she is terrified.

Her husband was coming tonight to the ship from Benin to pick them up and carry them back to Benin. All I can do is pray for overwhelming peace for the family. I know mom was blaming herself at one point, which breaks my heart- knowing she has done everything in her power and sacrificed so much for Anicette.

To think of the pain and grief Ani's mom has is already almost too much to bear in this broken place. And to know she has to go back and face a village that has ridiculed her and Anicette for being 'posessed' because of the deformities along with other insults...I just can't wrap my mind around it. Isn't it bad enough to lose a child, let alone not have your friends sympathize with you, but instead blame you? It is at this point that a part of me wants to wail right alongside Ani's mom and scream at the injustices of this world and the other part of me just doesn't want to think about it and pretend that life is ok because the grief is too much to bear. I just have to find somewhere in between to place my thoughts.

So please, as you read this...pray for Anicette's parents as they grieve, for a healthy baby that Ani's mom is carrying now, and for the village to be accepting of them as they return.

I will leave you with a few pictures of the beautiful, plump, happy Ani from when we left Benin.

Anicette and her wonderful mamma last year in Benin.



"Though He brings grief, he will show compassion. So great is His unfailling love. For He does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men." Lamentations 3:32-33

Come Dance With Me

It was about 11am one day last week and I was charge nurse on the max fax ward. It was not super busy so we decided to have a spontaneous dance party on the ward...one of my favorite things. The translators play guitar and drums, the Africans sing and dance, and the yovos (us white folk) do our best to dance and sing as well. It is always a joyful occasion.

One of the operating room nurses peeks in to give me a report on one of the patients. I invite her in for a dance...kind of pulling her in. As were doing what looks to us like a modifeid version of the chicken dance with our arms flapping she proceeded to tell me how the operation was going for this particular patient. This seemed perfectly normal and I did not think much about it at the time. Afterwards, as I thought about what just happened we both had a good laugh. In how many hospitals do you get a post-op report while dancing rediculously with the OR nurse and the other patients in the middle of the room. I told her that we were going to tell Dr. Gary, the surgeon, that he had to make "dancing" rounds in the morning!

Best told by Ali...

Many of you know about and some have even met one of my closest friends on the ship...Ali Chandra. I am pretty sure she is world renown for her amazing gift at blogging.

I am going to let her tell the story of one of our current patients. He has been here for awhile on the infant feeding program to gain enough weight to get his cleft lip repaired. Today was finally the day...here is just a small peek at the joy we get to experience on a daily basis told by Ali...

Enyo Gangi

WARNING...after reading this and other blogs by her, you may become addicted...she is just that good :)

History In The Making

I'm not going to lie...it is kind of exciting to be here in Togo during the presidential elections this year. This will be a turning point for democracy in this country one way or the other. We are hoping and truly praying for God to protect this country and it's people through the elections as well as bring the right man to power in a fair and peaceful way.

So far we have been "quarantined" to the ship since Thursday evening. The elections took place Friday and seemed to have gone peacefully. We will probably have to stay safely ship bound through the weekend. We are not sure when the election results will be official, but could be as early as tonight - Sat., March 6. That is when the trouble will come if there is any. The opposition party (UFC) seems to be promising violence if the current president wins.

Here is an interesting article about the history of the 2 main parties. It really is 2 dynasties, whose history goes way back, that are more or less running against each other.

Here is another article about the latest in the elections. It seems like it is long from over. As of Friday and into today it seems that both main parties are claiming victory...so makes for a sicky situation.

My cousin Dani who is staying and working in town decided to stay for the elections unlike many of her fellow volunteers who fled to Ghana for the elections. I spoke to her tonight and she is doing well...spending most of the day at home on her roof armed with her radio, camera, and cell phone awaiting results.

So for now we continue to await the results and what future lies ahead for Togo as we hang out on the ship. I enjoyed a lovely Saturday morning making delicious Napalese food with the gurkhas, a birthday picnic on deck 8, and last night we had a ceilidh/barn dance on the dock. We usually find something exciting to do when 400+ crew are confined to a ship. I'm enjoying and making the most of my weekend off relaxing on ship:) Hope to get out sometime this week to see my cousin again.