Monday, March 29, 2010

Tangled Emotions

Do you ever have really hard moments in life where part of you wants to ball your eyes out and be consumed with emotion and the other part of you wants to ignore every bit of it and try to pretend life is normal? That is kind of the emotional battle I have had today.

Anicette was one of the babies EVERYONE loved...she came to the ship last year to be on a feeding program to gain weight for a cleft lip surgery. She was so cute and chubby when we left.

A couple weeks ago mom brought her to the ship here in Togo. Anicette was unrecognizable. She made it to 14 months, but now skin and bones -literally. She was incredibelly malnurished. It took her a VERY long time to gain weight last year and her lab work has always been not quite right, but she was doing SO well when we left her just months ago as the ship sailed away from Benin.

This morning I was not working when I heard "emergency medical team to A ward" paged overhead. As usual, I said a prayer for whomever the call was for...deep down hoping is was not Anicette.

A few hours later, I was devestated to hear that baby Anicette had gone to be with Jesus. My friend Ali did CPR, but to no avail. Her weak, frail, malnurished body could not hang on any longer. I cannot even imagine the pain Anicette's mom is dealing with. She has poured SO much time, energy, and emotion into getting her little girl well...and now she has to travel back without her precious little baby.

I learned today that Ani's mom had already lost a baby before Ani because it was not eating well...and I also learned that she is 4 months pregnant as we speak. I wish I could celebrate with her in that, but instead I know that she is terrified.

Her husband was coming tonight to the ship from Benin to pick them up and carry them back to Benin. All I can do is pray for overwhelming peace for the family. I know mom was blaming herself at one point, which breaks my heart- knowing she has done everything in her power and sacrificed so much for Anicette.

To think of the pain and grief Ani's mom has is already almost too much to bear in this broken place. And to know she has to go back and face a village that has ridiculed her and Anicette for being 'posessed' because of the deformities along with other insults...I just can't wrap my mind around it. Isn't it bad enough to lose a child, let alone not have your friends sympathize with you, but instead blame you? It is at this point that a part of me wants to wail right alongside Ani's mom and scream at the injustices of this world and the other part of me just doesn't want to think about it and pretend that life is ok because the grief is too much to bear. I just have to find somewhere in between to place my thoughts.

So please, as you read this...pray for Anicette's parents as they grieve, for a healthy baby that Ani's mom is carrying now, and for the village to be accepting of them as they return.

I will leave you with a few pictures of the beautiful, plump, happy Ani from when we left Benin.



Anicette and her wonderful mamma last year in Benin.



"Though He brings grief, he will show compassion. So great is His unfailling love. For He does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men." Lamentations 3:32-33

1 comment:

Unknown said...

My heart breaks as I read this entry. I will be praying not only for Ani's mom but also for the crew that interacted with this family. I know your hearts are heavy, and I wish that I had beautiful words to comfort the pain. All I can say is that he can bring the comfort and I will be praying He does.